Calgon, Take Me Away!

Ahh, the joys of working. As I arrived this morning, I gave a sigh of relief: at last I can relax! It was a long weekend. In reality it was only two days, but it felt much longer. By coincidence, my mother was away again. Why is it that these difficult times occur when my mom is away? Or, is it that her going away makes it difficult? But I digress. Let me tell you about our weekend.

***Warning: graphic poopy detail.

Skip to the next paragraph if you can't handle it!***

Juliette was a little cranky Friday afternoon at daycare, and I thought maybe she was coming down with a scratchy throat, like Greg had last week. When we got home, I gave her some tylenol, turned on Dora, and half an hour later she was her old self again. From then on out, Friday night was fine. Things didn't start to get weird until Saturday morning, when I went to change Juliette's diaper- and her poop was green. Bright, emerald green. My first thought was "This is not normal." I think that qualifies as the understatement of the century! My second thought was "I need someone else to see this. " I call Greg down, warning him of what he is about to see. He is completely disgusted, but agrees "Yes, that is definitely green." Juliette is the only one in the room that is excited by this. "Green poopy mommy! Let me see again. It's green, mommy! Look daddy, green poopy!" I get her cleaned and dressed and then decide that I need to talk with someone who is an authority figure, someone who has been there, done that. Mom, as I've mentioned, is out of town... so I call my mother in law. There is really no good way to start a conversation about green poopy, so as soon as she gets on the phone I blurt out "Juliette's poopy was green. Bright green. Emerald green. Really really green." She is reassuring; if Juliette seems OK then it was probably something she ate; give it a day, see what happens, and if she gets worse or the colorful poops continue, call the doctor. Phew, that is basically what I thought, but it is so much more reassuring to hear it from someone older and wiser then you. This part of the story ends well- if you must know, Juliette's next poop was a little green,the next one greenish, and the poop after that was brown again. Much to my relief, and Juliette's disappointment.

Fast forward to Saturday night; Greg has been elected to our local Board and is off at the annual meeting trying to raise the budget. (It isn't a new tax, just a big increase in the old one!) Juliette, Cosette and I have a quiet afternoon and evening; Juliette has a little fever but alternating doses of Tylenol and Motrin are keeping it in check, and other then that her behavior is normal. I discover that the reason Cosette isn't eating her rice cereal anymore is because she is just plain sick of it; as soon as I mix it with some squash, she's happy again and eats her fill. Bedtime goes quite well, and by 9:30 the girls are asleep and I am ready to... fold the laundry. Which takes me an hour and a half, while I watch some of last weeks episodes of "So you think you can dance?" (I hope Nick wins) and "America's Next Top Model." (Too early to choose) (I have confessed before that I am addicted to reality TV, so get off my case.) Greg arrives at 11:00, but leaves again to have a post- meeting meeting. He takes Lucy with him, though, so then when I do finally try to sleep I get paranoid and start hearing all sorts of strange noises; Lucy is not around to be my alarm system. But that's OK, I needn't worry about falling asleep: it is 1 am and Cosette is awake. At 1:30 she finally goes to sleep again. At 2:00 Greg comes home- thank goodness; he starts snoring almost immediately, and I soon fall into a deep sleep. Until Juliette wakes up at 3:15. She is standing right inside her door, so when I push it open she scares the heck out of me, and I almost hit her with it. She walks out of her room into the pitch black playroom. She had decided that she wants to watch TV. I don't think that is a good idea, so I swoop her up, dose her with Tylenol, and bring her back to her room. I fall asleep in the chair with her on my lap and wake up 20 minutes later with a stiff neck. I get her settled into bed and go back to bed myself. Aaah, at last. I drift off to sleep.

And wake up again when Cosette starts crying. It is 5:30 am. Greg is asleep; I nudge him and tell him to get Cosette and bring her to me. He does so sleepily. (Later, when I explain to him how many times I had gotten up during the night, he exclaims "Oh, so that is why you wanted me to get the baby." I swear, I turn the monitor on and he goes deaf.) I feed Cosette in bed with me, and we fall asleep until 7:30, when Juliette starts calling again.

All morning long I am eagerly anticipating Juliette's Sunday afternoon nap, when I can take Cosette upstairs with me and nurse her to sleep and nap myself. Can you guess what happens? Cosette doesn't sleep. Oh, but that's OK. Because Juliette doesn't sleep either.

So this morning, when I was trying to get everyone ready and Juliette was whining and Cosette was crying and I shouted "MOMMY IS AT HER WITS END" Greg must have heard the desperation in my voice, because he came rushing downstairs to the rescue.

Aaaah, work. A refreshing break from the stresses of mommyhood.
I arrive at work, stow my lunch and gear, and plug in my laptop to check my email and gather my thoughts, when my student skips over to me and asks "So what are we going to do this week?"

AAAAAGGGGHHHH!