"Poopy" Shorts

Juliette has come up with a new tactic for prolonging her bedtime; after she crawls into bed she decides that she has to go potty. I know it is just a ploy, but on the other hand, she hasn’t had her normal evening constitutional yet, so maybe…

Juliette is sitting on the big girl potty, swinging her legs and trying to convince me to read her some books. All of a sudden she bursts out:
J: “Ohhh, CRAP.”
Me.: “What did you just say?” Juliette just looks at me and smiles. “what was that Juliette?” I am mystified. I have no idea where she got that from.
J: “Nothing.” Pause. “That’s not a bad word mommy.”
Me: “It’s not a nice thing to say, Juliette, please don’t use those words. Nice girls don’t say that.”
J: “Oh.” Silence, then “what about… oh c……ay?”
Me: “that’s fine.”
J: “How about ohhh cr….. ay?”
Me: “that’s fine too.”
J: “Oh cray. That’s silly!”
Me: “Juliette, are you going to go poopy?”
J: “No, I don’t have to.”

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The next morning Juliette wakes up in a good mood.
Me: Juliette, do you have to go poopy now?”
J: “No, its still sleeping. I don’t want to wake it up.”

Oh. Well, then.
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Juliette is sitting on the potty. I am sitting on the step stool in front of her. She is hugging her blanket, I am simultaneously rubbing her back and offering soothing words of encouragement while yelling at Cosette not to unravel the entire roll of toilet paper.

Me: “Juliette, is it coming yet?”
J: “yes, mommy, it is.”
Me: “Good! Sometimes it needs a little help. You have to go agggggggggggggg and push it out.”
Cosette: squeals with delight. “Aggggggggggggg!”
Me: “Good job Cosette, thanks for the demonstration.”
J: “It’s not coming.” She points to her knee. “It’s stuck right there.” _____________________________________________________________

Juliette is once again on the potty, Cosette is trying to slam the seat shut while Juliette is sitting there. I pull Cosette away and give her a box of tissues to play with. As she starts gleefully pulling them out of the box, wiping her nose, and tearing them apart, I collapse backward to lay on the hard wood floor. I’ve been waiting for Juliette to poop for ten minutes.

Me: “I’m tired. I think I’ll go to sleep right here.” Cosette giggles and lays next to me. Juliette gets off the potty and, pants around her ankles, hobbles over to lay next to us. Clearly a bad strategy, I think, and I sit up. “No, Juliette, you are supposed to be going poopy.” Juliette climbs back up on the potty.
J: “Mommy, I’m going to sing the poopy song while I wait.” She starts singing “Poopy please come oouuutt, poopy please come ouuttt, poopy please come oooooooouuuuuuuttttttt, please come out Pooooooopeeeeeeee.”
Well, at least she is creative. We all sing a rousing round of the poopy song.

2 minutes pass. Nothing happens.

J: “I’m done.” She pulls up her pants and walks away.

5 minutes later I call to her to come with me upstairs, time for a bath. She cries out “But I can’t mommy! You have to come get me. I have poopies!”

Me: “Oh, crap!”