Timing is everything, Involuntary fishslaughter, and hypochondria-by-proxy.

Timing is everything.
Cosette has just gotten out of the shower and I am trying to dry her off before she goes running away; she spies her Dad at his desk and gives a squeal of delight as she runs toward him. I turn to get Juliette dried off and then holler to Greg "Honey, how do you feel about getting Cosette a diaper before she poops on the floor?"

He responds: "Too late."

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Involuntary fishslaughter.
I walk upstairs to put Juliette in bed. It has been a long day; she is sick, we are all tired. I notice out of the corner of my eye that the fish tank seems mysteriously low on water. "Oh, no, not again" I think to myself. We just went through a fish tank heating element malfunction a few months ago. I put my hand on the side of the tank and notice that it really isn't that hot; at the same time I realize that I am stepping in a puddle of water. I quickly see that water is dripping onto the electrical strip I have all the aquarium components plugged into so I quickly turn it off and unplug it. And I realize that the aquarium has sprung a leak.

The fish have been surviving in a bucket (all except the one I found on the floor the next morning. Was it fish suicide... did it jump? or was it involuntary fishslaughter?) One of these days, when no one is sick (please let that day be soon), I will go buy a new aquarium.
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Don't forget about Lucy.
Juliette threw up. I threw up. Cosette threw up. Juliette threw up some more. I was walking through the playroom and fortunately noticed before I made full foot contact that Lucy, too, threw up. I knew she was really sick because usually, she just cleans up after herself.

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Hypochondriac-by-proxy.
Juliette's eye was swollen shut. I did some research on the internet and all things lead to one diagnosis. Periorbital cellulitis. Nothing serious- if treated with oral or IV antibiotics immediately. Otherwise it can lead to loss of vision, meningitis and possibly death. Juliette was not on antibiotics. And even is she was, she was throwing everything up. Mom panics. Mom rushes daughter back to the pediatrician. Discovers that daughter only has adenoviral infection. Damn internet. That never even came up as a possible diagnosis for the symptoms. I guess that is why we still need MD's. The only question I have is this: can someone suffer from hypochondria-by-proxy?