Stories I’m not supposed to tell: Gum boogers.

I was in the shower last night, when I heard Juliette calling me. "Mommy? Mommy!" I looked at her; she was standing in the bathtub adjacent to me, where she and Cosette had been gleefully frolicking and splashing (despite my admonishments not to), so the quiet and somewhat panicked tone to her voice caught my attention. She looked like she was in one piece, as did Cosette. There had been no crashes or screams to indicate serious injury, so what kind of trouble was she getting into?

"Yes, Juliette?" I asked sternly, prepared to get upset.

"Mommy, what would happen if you put gum up your nose?"

Now, in this situation, it was obvious that this was not a rhetorical question. "Juliette! Did you put gum up your nose?"

"No."

"Juliette!"

She looked at me, upper lip trembling, tears welling up in her eyes."Yes. Mommy get it out!" She was beginning to panic.

I instructed her to blow out very hard and a huge wad of gum came shooting out of her left nostril. I was angry, but I couldn't help it; I started laughing. And laughing. I think- maybe- it was a defense mechanism. She was still upset- apparently that wasn't all of it; so I had her come into the shower with me so that I could try to wash it out with some soap, thinking that soap would help reduce the sticky gumminess of the gum. Her nostrils kept sticking together, but we managed to get most of the gum boogers out; the difficulty being that they stuck so darn well to the tiny little nostril hairs that they would become long strings of goo before they'd relinquish their hold on her tiny nose.

I gave her the lecture about sticking things up her nose, a lecture we've had before (apparently not recently enough); but she was so traumatized by this time that I don't think she even needed to hear it. So we are standing in the shower, I am rinsing my hair, when I hear again "Mommy? Mommy!" I open my eyes and look down at her. She is standing very still, hands cupped ominously over her pishita. Oh no, I think. "Mommy, what if there is gum down there?"

Fortunately, there wasn't. She had only gotten some stuck… ahem… exteriorly.

At this point Greg comes wandering into the bathroom, relaxed, wine glass in hand; he had run out to the store to get supplies for Juliette's school project, and had just returned. At that precise moment Cosette pipes up from the bathtub "Mommy! Mommy! I have a booger!"

"Is it a gum booger, Cosette?" Greg looks confused as I ask this question.

"Yes!"

I barely managed to say to Greg "There is no need for more yelling, just please take care of it" before I doubled over in laughter again. Smart man that he is, he just put down his wine glass, didn't say a word, and did as I requested.

Later, Juliette told me "If I hear you telling anyone this story you will be in BIG trouble."

She won't hear me telling the story. So let's just keep it between us, OK?