It has been a disappointing and worrisome afternoon.
Juliette was invited to a classmates' birthday party this afternoon, and I was really hoping that, since she would be with all her school friends, she wouldn't be so timid and afraid. But when we arrived at the gym where the party was being held, Juliette refused to participate in any of the activities. At first she wouldn't even enter into the gym, preferring to sit in the parent's waiting room. I finally dragged her – literally- into the gym, but she wouldn't let go of me, even when many of her friends were calling her to come join in the fun.
Later, as they sat for cake, she sat at the end of the bench, and the only thing she said- to the girl sitting next to her- was "Hey! I know you!" At first the girl responded "I know you too." But after the fifth or sixth time the girl was obviously getting irritated and said "That is all you keep saying." I whispered to Juliette "Can't you think of something else to say?" and Juliette just shook her head, no. And said again: "Hey! I know you!" So now I am worried that my daughter is socially inept, and that she is going to turn into one of those kids that the other kids avoid. However, I know she can have "normal" interactions, in the right setting. I think it is that she is intimidated by the environment, and then has a hard time joining in. All she will say is that she is afraid.
She eventually did get up from her seat and, leading me by the hand, walked around the table to where one of her better school friends was sitting. Her behavior didn't improve much, however; she put her hands up in a mock fighters pose and said in a warning tone "Jane…*"; and then when Jane tried to pass, Juliette kept blocking her. I was unhappy to see my daughter being so physical and aggressive; but I've seen her do this before, with Jane, so I wasn't really surprised by it.
In the car I asked Juliette if Jane really liked that kind of play; I suggested maybe she shouldn't do that with her friends. "But Jane likes to play like that!" she protested.
"Really? How do you know?"
"Because she does it back!"
That is true; but I wasn't so sure that Jane really liked it, so much as she put up with it. Or maybe I am being paranoid, because it is true that Juliette doesn't behave like that with anyone else. I wonder if I invite Jane over for a playdate and the girls can play in a calm and comfortable- and monitored- environment, if they'll move past that behavior. Or, should I discourage the friendship altogether? What to do, what to do. I'm torn, and worried. She is a sensitive girl, putting on such a tough demeanor; and I really don't want her to develop that shell.
*Not her real name
2 comments:
I would probably invite Jane over for an afternoon in a setting that is more comfortable for Juliette.
Maybe have simple activity planned (e.g. making and decorating cookies or cupcakes or a Teddy Bear picnic) to reduce interactions like the one you observed at the party?
I agree with Julie, I think setting up more playdates for Juliette (not just with Jane, but with others too) might help her to be more comfortable with some of her classmates and give them some shared experiences that they can talk about at school- which will bring them closer.
It's also good that you keep bringing Juliette to these parties, the more social outings she has, the more comfortable she will become with them.
You can also do what's called a social story--before you get to the party, act out or model or talk about ways Juliette can talk to her friends. Go through different scenarios with Juliette and give her some words to use so that she isn't stuck saying the same thing over and over again. If you practice beforehand, it might help her during....
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