Zipping through the trees with the greatest of ease.

The last thing you'd expect a person who was afraid of heights to be doing would be zipping through the trees 80 feet off the ground. But that is exactly what I did on Sunday.

Mike, Lisa and I took our dad on a zipline canopy tour as his fathers day gift this year. It wasn't my idea: he gave me a newspaper article and mentioned that it looked like fun. We didn't go anyplace exotic like here or especially here or here, but in order to get the three kids all at one time and in case my nerves got the better of me we decided to stay close by. Thus, it was a short course- but still very fun. The worst part was waiting on the platforms, high in the trees, in the heat, for everyone else to zip and unhook and rehook and go... zipping itself was very exciting, and much too quickly finished.

(Yeah, I did that.)

After the zipline adventure we went out to lunch. As we were walking into the restaurant I heard Michael say something to Lisa about "I thought the guy just cut himself!" I interrupted: Are you talking about the guy who crapped his pants?" Micheal was incredulous... "Did he really? Did he really crap his pants?"

Yes, he really did. One of the guys who was there with his son and another father/son team really did shit his pants. It was on the fourth zipline, which was also the longest. The guides suggested that since we were comfortable with zipping at that point that we get adventurous- close our eyes, not hold on, go backwards. Michael tried the hands free approach, videotaping his zip:







I had been going backwards throughout the adventure- not on purpose, but whether I intended it or not I found myself facing backwards on each of the first three ziplines. I decided to just go straight for a change. And it actually worked out for me:




Lisa and Dad also had straightforward, expertly executed zips. So we were all four standing on the platform- the highest of them all, 80 feet up- when the muscle dude comes in. He is coming quick, and backwards, and he can't turn himself around. In an obvious panic he shouts to the forward guide who was waiting on our platform to catch him- "You got me? You got me?". He slammed into the guide, and there isn't much maneuvering room on those platforms, but the guide was strong enough that he was able to catch the muscle guy and stop him before he crashed into the tree trunk. The guide unhooks muscle guy from the zip line and onto the tether line, and muscle guy moves out of the way for the next zipper. So there we are, on the platform, 80 feet off the ground, just waiting for the others in our group to come zipping in. Dad is hanging near the edge of the platform (safely tethered), Lisa is near me, and Michael is around the other side of the tree. There is one person between me and muscle guy, but I happen to glance down and notice a thickish brown liquid leaking from under muscle guy's shorts, down the back of his leg. I immediately recognized what it was.

What does one do in a situation where one sees that a person has clearly crapped their pants and doesn't seem to be aware of it? Does one say "Excuse me, sir, but I think you've crapped your pants?" Or does one politely avert their eyes? Remember, we are 80 feet up in a tree. It is a small platform, it is hot, and it is crowded. And we are, as I said, 80 feet up a tree, with no quick way down. So what did I do? I chose to politely ignore the fact that this grown man had poop running down his leg, something I haven't seen since Cosette was a baby and her diaper was too full, and continue on with a conversation I was having with Lisa.

It only took a minute for his son and the friend to notice. They said "What is that? Are you bleeding? Is that blood? Is that.... is that blood?" It was quite clearly not blood. The poor man pooped his pants and his 14 year old son had to witness it. Muscle guy wipes his leg with his hands- because the poop just keeps on dripping- and says "I need to get out of here!"

Fortunately there was only one more zipline left in the course, so the forward guide took muscle guy down pronto.

I just hope that they threw out his harness after he was done with it.

So now, if someone asks us "How was the zipline adventure?" our response will be "It was great! At least no one in our group crapped their pants!"